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1. Criticism. The first horseman is criticism. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an ad hominem attack. It is an attack on your partner at the core of their character.
The Four Horsemen & Their Antidotes worksheet summarizes each of the damaging behaviors and their healthy replacements in a simple, easy-to-follow format. The descriptions include enough information to serve as a reminder or quick reference without being overwhelming.
Below are the antidotes for fighting off The Four Horsemen in your relationship. Criticism: A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, while a criticism attacks the character of the person.
GOTTMAN’S FOUR HORSEMEN. In his “Love Lab” Research, John Gottman identified four traits that could predict with a 90% success rate whether or not a couple would stay together. He would go on to name these four traits the “Four Horsemen”.
Researcher Dr. John Gottman named “four horsemen of the apocalypse,” which are four behaviors that are especially damaging to our relationships. The four horsemen are: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling. Read more about each, including definitions and examples here: https://www.gottman.
The Four Horsemen. Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble. WHEN WE DISCUSS OUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES: TRUE. FALSE. 1. I feel attacked or criticized when we talk about our disagreements. m. 2. I usually feel like my personality is being assaulted. 3.
FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE The four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling (in order of least to most dangerous). Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington, studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades.
