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The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. We use this metaphor to describe communication styles that, according to Gottman research, can predict the end of a relationship. 1. Criticism.
The Four Horsemen & Their Antidotes worksheet summarizes each of the damaging behaviors and their healthy replacements in a simple, easy-to-follow format. The descriptions include enough information to serve as a reminder or quick reference without being overwhelming.
Physiological Self-Soothing. The fourth horseman is stonewalling, which is usually a response to contempt. Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner.
In his “Love Lab” Research, John Gottman identified four traits that could predict with a 90% success rate whether or not a couple would stay together. He would go on to name these four traits the “Four Horsemen”.
The first step in effectively managing conflict is to identify & fight The Four Horsemen when they arrive in your conflict discussions. Below are the antidotes for fighting off The Four Horsemen in your relationship.
FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE. The four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling (in order of least to most dangerous).
THE FOUR HORSEMEN. AND HOW TO STOP THEM WITH THEIR ANTIDOTES. CRITICISM. Verbally attacking personality or character. CONTEMPT. Attacking sense of self with an intent to insult or abuse. DEFENSIVENESS. Victimizing yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame. STONEWALLING.
